I’ve been feeling nostalgic lately–y’know, catalouging all my life’s deepest regrets, just your ordinary early-onset midlife crisis–and I ended up going through some of my old Tweets. Here are a few gems I thought were embarrassing enough to be worth sharing.
I posted this sequence while reading Harry Potter #7 for the first time:
Neville Longbottom is a f***ing badass.
If I were a girl, I would be crushing on Neville Longbottom.
Look at your man. Now look at me. Now back at your man, now back at me, now…back at your man. Sadly, your man is not Neville Longbottom.
He is totally pimp, is what I am saying.
I’m particularly amused that I wrote “if I were a girl” instead of “if I were gay.” In retrospect, I probably should have noticed something odd about that.
Here’s another one on a similar theme:
I’m perfectly comfortable with my heterosexuality, but if A**** Diaz ever came up to me and said “Will you marry me?” I would be like “HELL YES WHEN CAN I START”
This one is doubly funny because not only did the artist in question turn out to be a super hot girl, I also ended up marrying a guy.
Here’s a couple about sleep deprivation:
Today’s word of the day is: FARTCHKNACKER
(I didn’t get much sleep.)
That’s an understatement. Here’s another:
Dreamed I stayed up till 4 doing reading for class. Didn’t actually stay up till 4, but now I feel like I did and my reading still isn’t done.
I think that between them, those two tweets sum up the majority of my college experience.
Here’s an attempt I made at a 140-character poem, just after shaving my head for the first time:
Commit! the imagined is strongest becoming real. Unrequited acts are ghosts of shadows: a memory of warmth beside the moment before sunrise.
It’s not a great poem, but it’s a sentiment I could stand to be reminded of more often.
One more for now. I wrote this one while working a part-time construction gig over the summer:
Boy, I just love using my caulk to plug holes.
Sorry, that one’s still funny.
In Search of Secrets 