My Top Ten Rains

“Rain is a very special blessing,” my mother says. Even when I was little, she’d already been saying it to my sister and me for as long as I could remember. Just as my grandmother had said it to her, when my mother was not my mother but only herself, in the dry Texas summers of her own childhood. Eons ago and continents away, as children reckon these things.

10

It’s summer now. It’s been cloudy all day, but they wait until the thunder starts to clear out the pool.

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The Reverse Nostalgia of Parenthood

After you and your partner have been parents for a while, you develop a very strange relationship with your child-free past. On the one hand, you’ll still feel nostalgic for the “good ol’ days” when you could go hiking or have sex or see a movie on a whim, or stay up all night and sleep in as late as you wanted the next day, or treat yourselves to a quiet dinner at a nice restaurant without also having to arrange (and pay for) childcare.

On the other hand, you’ll also start feeling what I can only describe as “reverse nostalgia:” a desire to relive those child-free days with your children.

It starts with something much less strange: sooner or later you’ll start missing your kids when they aren’t around, even when you’re with your partner. For some it happens almost the moment their child is born; others might not get that feeling until their kids are old enough to talk, but I think it’s safe to say it eventually happens to any involved parent. The strange part happens some time after that: you’ll start missing your kids even in your memories, just while reliving moments from your life before they existed.

This is not to say you won’t want time away from your kids! The freedom of those moments doesn’t get any less enjoyable. If anything, they become that much sweeter when you understand their cost: the price you pay for not having your kids around is that some of the best people in your life won’t be there.

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AIs Can’t Stop Recommending Nuclear Strikes in War Game Simulations

That’s it. That’s the whole post for today. Call your reps and love one another shamelessly.

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Fixin’ to Write Fiction

I’ve been really wanting to write more fiction lately. This is a good thing! I enjoy essays and microblogging and poems, but fiction is where my heart really is.

Unfortunately, fiction is much harder for me to write than tweet-length nonsense or even long-form essays, and it’s particularly hard to fit around my self-imposed requirement of posting daily. When I’m immersed in something I’m passionate about, it gets really difficult for me to focus on anything else for more than a few minutes at a time.

If I had a good buffer, I might be able to work around that by, say, alternating between a week spent on fiction and a week spent rebuilding my buffer–but I don’t have a buffer.

Another option would be to relax the daily requirement. I wouldn’t want to drop it entirely, but maybe a rule like “write every day, post X times a week” could work. I had a weekly schedule when I first started this blog, and it worked well for a while.

I’m reluctant to do that, though. I’m very proud of the consistency I’ve managed to maintain so far. If I’m still writing every day it shouldn’t matter, but I worry that without the public accountability I get from posting, it will be harder for me to stick to that rule. For some reason, writing something and then making it public feels very different than just writing it. (Okay, I guess the reason’s not really that mysterious.)

Maybe I could post excerpts? Like, if I’ve written part of a story that isn’t finished, I could post a little of what I wrote as a kind of preview? That would be pretty embarrassing for me, but maybe that’s actually a good sign!

(Although there is one other major problem with that idea: a lot of the fiction I want to write is extremely NSFW!)

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Be Impressed

My father-in-law got me this puzzle for my birthday a few years ago. It’s been sitting in a box for most of that time, but two weeks ago I got it out and brought it to work and yesterday I finally solved it! It was a good one. Thanks, Pa!

Eco Logicals “Bamboo Blossom,” if you’re curious. I don’t think they sell it anymore.

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Why Am I Like This, pt. XIV

Me: “Man, that cake we got for my coworker’s birthday was pretty stale. Not sure I can honestly say I enjoyed eating it? Would have been rude not to, though.”

Me twenty minutes later, when everyone has gone back to their desks: “Ooh, there’s a few slices left!”

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Some Inspiration

A reminder from my daughter that it’s okay to dream of better things. Even if they seem too big. Even if they’re (gasp) cliche!

A paper cutout of a child's hand, glued onto a circle of paper colored to look like the Earth. Written on the hand is a child's dream for people to take better care of the homeless and the planet.

I have a dream that every one givs more muny to homles people and people take more care of the Earth

As we grow into adults, we learn that optimism is childish, and that dreams like these are simple and naive. Well–not all childish things are wrong. Sometimes, the sky really is blue, 2+2 really does equal 4, flowers really are pretty, the Emperor really is naked, and people really should take more care of the Earth and each other.

(And don’t forget to take care of yourself too, okay?)

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“Magic”

My kids have been on a bit of a ghost kick lately. They even have an imaginary friend named “Ladybug Ghost” who at least one of them seems to believe is an actual person.

I’ve been trying to teach my kids everything I wish I’d been taught about rationality when I was their age, with mixed success. Some ideas they’ve mastered right away, even going so far as to pass the techniques on to their teachers! Other techniques have been more difficult. I’ve started to get a feel for a pattern: many of the techniques of current rationality are about unlearning bad habits instilled in us by anti-epistemology, religion, and science worship–in other words, learned biases. Other techniques are focused on biases that are innate–flaws in our default way of thinking that are more or less inborn.

“Magic” seems to be innate.

I’ve tried to teach my children that there is no such thing as magic–not because things that seem “magical” must necessarily be false (see: reversed stupidity is not intelligence), but because there is no one particular thing the word “magic” points to. The word’s purpose is supposedly explanation–“so-and-so happened because of magic”–but it’s an empty explanation: a blueprint with nothing written on it but IOU.

The general case turns out to be an incredibly broad category of closely related cognitive failure modes. Human beings evolved curiosity, so we crave explanations–but an explanation’s ability to satisfy our curiosity is completely decoupled from its predictive power as a theory. Our instincts recognize something as an “explanation,” not when it can be used to generate accurate, concrete predictions of future stimuli, but when it feels narratively satisfying. Did it resolve the plot? If so, it counts as an explanation.

One of the giveaways of this type of mistake is that if you ask different people to be specific about the concept, or if you look at different stories and legends about it, none of them are entirely consistent. Take religion as an example: most people on the planet are religious, but different religions are almost nothing alike (excepting, of course, those with common ancestry). Some people pray to gods, some people pray to their ancestors, some people pray to the natural world–and some religions (such as Zen Buddhism) don’t have any analogue to prayer or deities!

Ghosts are another excellent example. What are ghosts? Where do they come from? What motivates them? Are they kind or malicious? Dangerous or safe? Can they interact with the physical world, or do they only affect people’s minds? Different stories give completely different answers.

The power of science comes, not from its rejection of superstition or supernaturalism per se, but from its replicability. It is built on the foundational truth that reality is no more or less than whatever doesn’t change depending on who you are or what you believe. There is nothing inherently unscientific about gods or ghosts or magic or anything else people have believed throughout history. It’s simply that, having actually investigated these things, science has concluded that they are not part of this “reality” business. The only detail they reliably share in common–which is to say, the only part of them that does come from reality–is the human imagination.

Of course, this is not the only mistake my kids are making when they blame their missing sock on a mischievous ghost. Magical thinking leads people to mistakenly accept explanations that don’t really explain anything, but there’s an even graver mistake in considering magical explanations in the first place–it’s called “privileging the hypothesis,” and I’ll talk about it more next week.

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My Favorite Candy

I love gummies, I am a huge sucker for tiny versions of regular things, and I am delighted by novelty. Other candies never stood a chance.

They used to be sold in the US under the Wonka brand, but for some reason they were discontinued here. Now I have to have them shipped from the UK to get my fix…

*tea not included

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Get Enough Sleep

I’m talking to you, whoever’s reading this right now, but I’m especially talking to you if the person reading this right now is me.

(Oh, and if you are me: don’t forget to shave! I don’t know why it helps so much, but it always does.)

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More Married Life

Since I’m not on social media much anymore, my spouse curates and sends me all the best memes they see. I got this one on Valentine’s Day:

πŸ₯°

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