- What a Tweerp
- While My Guitar Gently Tweeps
- That’s Twinge
Some of my favorite tweets weren’t my tweets at all, they were conversations between me and my best friend. We were both on Google Buzz–I think we might have been the only ones–so we were able to comment on each other’s posts privately. Here’s a few of our briefer exchanges:
Me: “Every writer is a frustrated actor who recites his lines in the hidden auditorium of his skull.” -Rod Serling
BFF: But the acoustics are amazing!
Me: So are the sets!
The casting is good too, but the scripts are usually just embarrassing.
Me: Naaails to the left, duct taaape to the right–here I am, stuck in the middle with gluuue~
BFF: You’re describing how I mounted my computer monitor to the wall
To this day I’m not 100% sure he was joking.
Me: If mathematics is the study of pure logic and abstraction, then philosophy is the mathematics of language.
BFF: ?
Me: Could you please be more specific
BFF: ??!
…I have no idea what I was saying, either.
BFF: Anytime I say anything worth quoting, you should attribute it to Mark Twain instead.
Me: -Mark Twain
Like any good hacker, when Mr. Twain learns a new system his first instinct is to try to break it. Sometimes I call him the “anti-mnemonic” because this instinct kicks in without fail any time I’m trying to remember something (No, no, no, it’s “righty light-y, lefty heft-y!”), but he’s expressed the urge in other contexts, too. Such as, for example, lame jokes on Twitter:
Me: I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is, there isn’t really any bad news.
BFF: …the bad news is, I was lying about there not really being any bad news.
The other bad news is, I’ve got one more for you. Don’t worry, I’ve saved the most self-indulgent best for last, complete with commentary:
Guess what? Chicken butt.
Ah yes, a classic. But wait, it gets “better!”
Guess why? Chicken pie.
Uh oh. I sense sleep deprivation…
Guess when? Chicken pen.
All right, I think we get it now.
Guess where? Chicken hair.
*sigh*
Guess who? Chicken poo.
I’m surprised I held out that long before resorting to poop, honestly.
Me: Guess how? Chicken cow.
BFF: You are such a menace on Twitter!
-Mark Twain
In Search of Secrets 