Several of my friends have (independently!) told me that if I were a dog, I would be a Great Dane. I’ve always found this flattering, but a bit confusing. I thought maybe it was because of my height, or because I can be a little intimidating before you get to know me. Or maybe it’s just because I’m clumsy?
Personally, I would have picked a Lab or a Corgi–you know, sweet but a little goofy (okay, a lot goofy), smarter than I look (but that’s maybe not saying much), reluctant to fight (but will absolutely throw down if you threaten someone I care about). Great Dane kind of fits, but I sort of got the impression they were seeing something about myself that I wasn’t.
Anyway, let’s talk about something completely different!
Last week I was thinking again about how the attachments I form don’t easily fade, and really hurt when they’re severed. It seems kind of clingy–even creepy or obsessive–to still feel close to someone I haven’t seen in decades.
“But,” I thought to myself, “surely lasting attachments aren’t always a bad thing? Surely sometimes it’s good to be strongly committed to someone, even if you haven’t seen each other in a while, or if one of you upsets the other? In fact, phrasing it that way makes it sound like it could be a strength! What’s a more positive way I could describe ‘forming strong and lasting attachments to people’ or ‘staying committed…’
“Oh. Loyalty. The name for that is…loyalty.”
I think I understand better now why my friends see me as a Great Dane. They were seeing a strength I hadn’t named in myself, hadn’t even noticed except as an embarrassing liability. Loyal.
…I’m uncomfortable taking about my virtues. It feels immodest, presumptuous–indecent, even. But I’ve believed for years that true modesty requires you to know your strengths intimately, because the purpose of modesty is to avoid making other people feel bad about themselves.
Loyalty, like any virtue, can be a liability. Loyalty isn’t always deserved (many abusers keep their victims trapped by appealing to it) and a show of devotion can be unsettling to someone who no longer shares that bond. I’m guessing that a big part of being modest about your loyalty is not overwhelming the people you’re loyal to!
But emotions are always muted in writing, so I’m not too worried about overwhelming you when I say that it’s an honor to have you as a reader. I love you with all my heart–yes, even those of you I’ve never met–and I wish you the very best, because you deserve it. For as long as you remain my reader, I will remain devoted to you.
Joy and health to you all.
In Search of Secrets 