Tag Archives: dreams

October 30, 2025 · 7:44 am

Dreams I’ve Improved

I wrote Tuesday’s post in a bit of a rush. Looking over it, I think it suffers from a lack of concrete examples. So, here are a few instances where I’ve “revised” some of my own childhood dreams:

The first thing I wanted to be when I grew up was an inventor. This lasted until I learned that inventors don’t just come up with ideas, they have to implement them as actual prototypes (or at least know enough engineering to make some diagrams and file a patent). Eventually, I figured out that “just coming up with ideas” is much closer to the definition of an artist, which is currently what I want to be when I grow up.
A while after giving up (I thought) on being an inventor, I got really excited about marine biology. I’d always loved science and learning about nature, and I became particularly enthralled with cephalopods (cuttlefish are still one of my favorite animals). So I decided I’d become a marine biologist. A bit later I took some actual science classes and learned that the vast majority of doing science (as opposed to learning science, which I love) is essentially paperwork: taking notes, filling out spreadsheets and forms, doing calculations, and so on. All things I not only don’t like doing, but am also bad at. Nowadays I only do original science for fun, when I want to, and I’m content to leave the rest of it to those with the obsession to spare.
Sometime in high school, I decided I wanted to learn how to play the piano. I really enjoyed it and ended up playing almost every chance I could get. I thought maybe I could turn it into a career, so I did some investigating–including interviewing a couple of actual professional pianists–and eventually came to the conclusion that while I wanted to keep learning and practicing, I didn’t want to devote all my free time to it. It would be a hobby, or a skill I could use in other ways (composing, for example), but not a career.
Ever since I was a toddler playing with dolls, I’ve wanted to be a father when I grew up. I knew before I started that having a family would be more work than I expected. But even after adjusting for that fact, starting a family was still more work than I expected. It’s extremely difficult to maintain any ambitions of your own when you’re raising kids. (Fortunately, it’s still worth it.)
I’ve had a lot of ideas for videogames and stories over the years, and I’ve finished almost none of them. Partly, this is because I’ve only begun to address some of the mental health, organizational, and motivational issues that have prevented me from finishing big projects in general (see below). However, another part of it is that many of those ideas…well…sucked. As I’ve said before, making garbage is an essential part of improving–but paradoxically, it only works if you’re trying not to make garbage. Making things you know in advance will suck doesn’t help you improve!
I’ve previously hinted that I have ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed until just a few years ago, and I didn’t get a therapist until this year, so I’ve only recently begun to seriously address challenges I’ve been stymied by my entire life. Dealing with mental health issues, just like taking care of your physical health, doesn’t sound ambitious or glamorous (probably because it’s something you’re expected to do, and thus considered “normal”). But obviously, not everyone takes good care of their physical health, and due to stigma and lack of support from our healthcare system the situation is even worse for mental health. And as for chronic conditions? You know, health problems that aren’t considered normal? Addressing those is treated like “catch-up”–like doing extra homework because you were sick and missed a week of school. Commendable, perhaps, but in the best case it only puts you “back to normal.” In reality, taking care of your mental and physical health is a serious, ongoing challenge, even when nothing is “wrong” with you, and your mental and physical health have ripple effects across literally everything else in your life. Staying healthy is a worthy ambition!

…I could keep going, but I think you get the idea.

What are some of the childhood dreams you’ve “revised?” Are there any you thought you’d given up on that you’re now seeing in a different light?

Don’t Give Up on Your Dreams (Improve Them)

I often imagine what my younger self would think of me now. There are some things he’d undoubtedly be happy about: I’m a father now, just like I always wanted to be; I married my high school crush; I’m living in a house with wheels; etc.

On the other hand… If he asked, of all the video games and stories he wanted to make, which ones I’ve finished–or the places I’ve traveled and languages I’ve learned–or what my career has been like–well, just imagining his crestfallen face is enough to make me cringe.

I’ve always had big dreams–sometimes too big; the gap between fantasy and reality is often much wider than I expect it to be. So the thought that I’ve failed to live up to my dreams–that my past self would say I’ve given up on them–well, it’s discouraging. Are we all just doomed to lose our childlike ambitions as we age? It can certainly feel that way.

I don’t think that’s quite right, though. When I reflect on it, I haven’t actually given up on many of my most ambitious dreams, I’ve just–put them aside for now. And there are other things I’m working on, or have already accomplished, that don’t sound as impressive as the things I imagined doing as a child, but which are at least as ambitious. Perhaps part of the reason it seems like we become less ambitious as we age, is simply that we get a better idea of the difference between things that sound impressive and difficult, and things that are actually valuable.

It’s important to remember that revising your dreams is not the same as giving up on them. Do you still have dreams? Then you haven’t given up! Sometimes, our priorities change as we get older, or we learn more about the difference between what we think we want and what we truly value. Indeed, it would be strange if our dreams didn’t change as we aged–it would mean we hadn’t learned anything new about ourselves or the world since we were children!

So it’s okay to let go of some of your past ambitions, just as it’s okay to delete an awkward paragraph from an essay. The important thing–in art and in life–is to keep trying.

(P.S. I’ve written a follow-up with some more concrete examples.)

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Filed under Essays

Tagged as ambitions, dreams, past self

October 4, 2025 · 8:50 am

Tsuyoku Narimashita!

I was in my bedroom a few weeks ago when I suddenly remembered I’d gotten a text earlier in the evening. It was from an old friend I hadn’t heard from in a very long time, but I’d decided not to check it right away, because we hadn’t parted on great terms and I was nervous about what it might say. This struck me as highly unlikely–on both counts–so I concluded that I was probably just remembering a dream.

What makes this unusual is that I came to this conclusion while still dreaming. I must be doing something right!

The benefits of rationality can be difficult to see. Just like with doctors and governments, its benefit is more in preventing negative outcomes than securing positive ones. The cost of prevention is easy to see, and it’s equally easy to see when it fails–but it’s difficult to impossible to notice all the times something bad doesn’t happen. (This is why everybody hates bureaucracy, but getting rid of it always ends in disaster.)

Unfortunately, this also means it can be difficult to tell if you’re doing rationality right–especially if you don’t have any aspiring rationalist friends to make bets with. It’s nice to see some positive results!

Tsuyoku narimashita!