Me (to 6yo): “…I said, finish cleaning your room!”
Me (to myself): “Huh, what am I holding?
“Oh, it’s lip balm. Why do I have this?
“…Oh, right. Because I got it out of my pocket. To put on my face. Ten seconds ago.”
Me (to 6yo): “…I said, finish cleaning your room!”
Me (to myself): “Huh, what am I holding?
“Oh, it’s lip balm. Why do I have this?
“…Oh, right. Because I got it out of my pocket. To put on my face. Ten seconds ago.”
Filed under Microblogging
Everyone understands that adolescence is an awkward time.
Nobody prepares you for the awkwardness of being in your 30s, seeing a woman shopping at the grocery store with her mother and her daughter, and not being able to make up your mind about which of them is hotter.
Filed under Microblogging
I live a life of intrigue and suspense, full of exciting questions like “why did I walk into this room,” “what was the reason I picked up my phone two hours ago,” and “is that yellow stain on my nails orange peel or jaundice”
Filed under Microblogging
I think my favorite thing about MS Windows is when you can’t do anything with a file or folder because “it is open in another program,” but it won’t say which program.
That’s the best!
Filed under Microblogging, Reviews
Me: *chewing*
Me: *slightly distracted by literally any other thing*
My food:

Filed under Microblogging
When you leave a comment on one of your favorite webcomics and the author drops a “like” on it:
![Me (to myself): This is great. I'm going to get a good grade in [comment], something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,](https://insearchofsecrets.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/10000137452535727397609549517.jpg?w=1024)
Filed under Microblogging
Me: “All right, feeling good! Looking forward to locking in and getting some serious work done π”
My coworkers: *immediately gather around my cubicle to loudly socialize*
My family: “When are we going to see you again??”
My watch: “It’s literally 4:30 pm, bro”
Me: “FFFFFFFFFFFFffffffffff”
Filed under Microblogging

Filed under Microblogging, Reviews
Help, Iβm Arguing With People on the Internet and I Canβt Get Up
“Views” is such a frustrating number to optimize for. What does it matter how many people see what you’ve said or done, if you don’t know how many people you’ve actually affected?
You know what a much more useful metric would be? “Number of minds changed.” That sure would be nice. It is so exhausting when someone’s wrong on the internet in a way that it feels so gosh-danged important to try to correct them, but is it really? You can sometimes tell if the person you’re arguing with changes their mind, but what about all the lurkers who never pitch in? Maybe you helped some other people’s understanding, even if you couldn’t get the OP to budge. Or maybe not! Who knows? It’s maddening!
Anyway, to completely and randomly change the subject: AI doesn’t need a personality or instincts or emotions or a desire for self-preservation or even consciousness to be superintelligent and wipe us all out; just because something has been in fiction a lot and has never happened before doesn’t mean it isn’t about to happen; and if some fatuous nimrod says a thing, that (by itself) is not evidence the thing is false. If you disagree, you are being Wrong On The Internet and if you would please just stop now it would save me a lot of aggravation. Thank you.
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Filed under Essays
Tagged as being wrong on the Internet, don't read the comments, funny, relatable, Writing