My daughter had a tantrum the other day and called me “the worst piece of cheese ever” and I think I have a new favorite insult.
Category Archives: Microblogging
One-Sided
The abyss is a very good listener, but it’s terrible at making conversation. Every time it speaks, it’s just an echo.
I’m getting tired of the sound of my own voice.
Filed under Microblogging
Teaching Is Hard
TFW you’re writing a post titled “<popular physics concept> Demystified” and you realize your draft is 1500 words and counting and should probably be broken up into two or three separate posts and if you still want to say “demystified” you’re definitely gonna have to start over from scratch.
Filed under Essays, Microblogging
I Am One of *Those* Programmers
Content note: shoes with toes
Continue readingFiled under Reviews, Microblogging
Horses Held
My 7yo: “Uuuugh, this is taking forever. When am I going to get to go to bed?
Me, brushing her hair: “Hold your horses, sweetheart, I just started.”
Her: *giggles, sticks her hands in the air, as though holding something up*
Me: “…Either you’re very strong or those are some very tiny horses.”
Her: “They’re horses the size of a car.”
Me: “My goodness, you are very strong.”
Her, matter-of-factly: “Uh-huh.”
Later…
Me: “Thank you for being so still and patient. I think you can put your horses down now.”
Her, lowering her hands: “Uuuuugh, I’m so tiiiiired, I just want to go to bed.”
Me: “Hey, why are you whining all of a sudden? You’re about to go to bed right now.”
Her: “I put my horses down, so now I don’t have any patience again.”
Me: “Ah, I see. Well, in that case, maybe you should pick them back up again.”
Her: “Okay.”
Her: *goes to bed with her hands in the air, behaving like an angel*
Filed under Microblogging
These Ten Puns Are Supposed to Make You Laugh
- Where can you go to get a steak and a haircut? The barber-Q.
- How does a bee get to school? She takes the school buzz.
- Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
- A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve ropes here,” and throws him out. The rope thinks for a moment, then ruffles up his hair, twists himself into a pretzel, and goes back in. The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you that rope I just threw out of here?” and the rope says “Nope, I’m a frayed knot!”
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an overripe banana.
- What do you call it when someone ogles the man behind the counter at the post office? It’s a “checkin’ the male.”
- Why did the fisherwoman keep going back to the same store to buy worms? They always gave her a great re-bait.
- Why did the mushroom keep getting invited to parties? Because he was such a fungi.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad there’s only one joke left?
- I know not everyone likes puns, but I hope at least a few of these made you laugh. I’m sorry if no pun in ten did.
Filed under Microblogging
My Daughter Is A-maze-ing
Filed under Microblogging, Reviews
In Search of Secrets 