In Search of Secrets

As I’ve previously mentioned, I have ADHD. I didn’t receive an official diagnosis until just a few years ago. This is because I’d completely dismissed the possibility for decades, for two main reasons:

• When I was in about fifth grade, one of my teachers suggested I might have ADD (as it was known back then), so my parents had me diagnosed. As they later told me, the doctor said that if I was able to sit still and pay attention to things for long periods of time (which I definitely was), I didn’t have ADD.
• As the years passed, I saw no reason to question that diagnosis. In fact, as ADD came to be known as ADHD, I had more reason than ever to doubt it, since I never struggled with “hyperactive” tendencies any more than average, and in fact had an easier time sitting still and being quiet than most kids my age.

So what changed my mind? Coincidentally, it was also two main things:

• First, I learned that ADHD has subtypes. The disorder lies on a spectrum with the “hyperactive” subtype (which is largely physical) on one end; the “inattentive” subtype (which is mostly mental) on the other; and a broad swath of “mixed” subtype in between. (You can think of the hyperactive and innatentive subtypes as being sort of like “A_HD” and “AD_D,” respectively.) Once I realized that physical hyperactivity wasn’t necessarily part of it, a lot of my reason for rejecting the possibility disappeared.
• Once the possibility no longer seemed so far-fetched, I started doing some research. It immediately became clear that (1) yeah, I probably did have the “inattentive” subtype, and (2) “Attention Deficit” is kind of a misnomer. A lot of the apparent “deficit” in a person’s ability to pay attention comes from the hyperactivity part of the condition–the stereotypical kid who can’t sit still or stay quiet, interrupts constantly, is always fidgeting, and so on. Especially when they’re put into a classroom, kids like this look like they’re “not paying attention.” But, as my parents’ old doctor failed to understand, people with ADHD absolutely can pay attention.

More than that, in fact: in the right circumstances we’re able to pay better attention than neurotypicals. The term for this ability is “hyperfocus”–a state of mind closely related to flow that allows us (or, more often, compels us) to concentrate on some extremely specific detail, problem, or idea, to the exclusion of all else. When someone with ADHD looks like they’re “zoning out,” they’re probably not just staring into space–much more likely, they’re staring into their own heads, focusing intently on some idea or thought that’s developing at breakneck speed.

People with ADHD do not “lack attention.” We have attention in spades. What we lack is the ability to consciously direct that attention.

(This is one reason why meditation can be so helpful for those with ADHD–and also why meditation seems so difficult to us at first: it helps train the mental muscles that control our focus.)

Hyperfocus can be frustrating, but it can also be a huge asset. When people with ADHD are able to work on the things that interest us, we can be almost superhumanly productive. On the other hand, if we have to work on something that doesn’t automatically engage us, just keeping ourselves from wandering off can quickly use up all our spoons–sometimes before we’ve actually gotten anything done!

People with ADHD aren’t lazy, we don’t have a poor work ethic, and we’re not “wasting our potential.” That amazing focus and productivity can’t be switched on at will. Our potential often is wasted–but in many cases, it’s only because we’re required to survive in a world built around abilities we don’t have, while the abilities we do have are forced onto the sidelines: as hobbies, second jobs, and fantasies.

(Like so many other things, a Universal Basic Income could help a lot with this problem!)