C’mon Trike, that’s just mean. At least wait until after I’ve left for work…

C’mon Trike, that’s just mean. At least wait until after I’ve left for work…

Filed under Microblogging
My spouse: “Hey sweetie, you get to dress up as your favorite Christmas character for school tomorrow. What do you want to go as?”
My 8yo (confused): “Christmas character?”
Me: “Yeah, like Santa or the Grinch.”
Spouse: “Or you could dress like one of the characters from The Polar Express.”
(The Polar Express is the kids’ favorite Christmas movie)
8yo (thinking): “…I want to be the train.”
Filed under Microblogging

Are they doing this on purpose? Am I being pranked?? How many different misspellings can they come up with???
Filed under Microblogging
These signs showed up in every bathroom in the building a little while ago. Who the heck has been standing on the toilets??

Filed under Microblogging
My daughter: “Hey dad, want to hear a joke? It’s a pun.”
Me, responding to my love language: “Absolutely!”
Her: “What do you call a T-Rex that’s also a sword?”
Me: “I don’t know, what?”
Her: “A dino-sword.”
Me:

Filed under Microblogging
Can’t afford a nice birthday party for my daughter –> feel bad about being poor –> ask friends to help out –> feel bad for asking favors –> no one responds –> feel bad for being alone –> but then they do –> feel bad for feeling alone before –> …
Filed under Microblogging
Speaking of people who should be Super Soakered, who on Earth decided it was ever acceptable to have an app with text elements that can’t be selected?
(I’m looking at you, Instagram! I know you’re not the only offender, but you’re defenitely the worst.)
Filed under Microblogging
Content note: gore (image of child with smallpox)
Forty-six years ago today, smallpox was declared officially eradicated worldwide. Although several other diseases such as Guinea worm are getting close, smallpox remains one of only two diseases we’ve eradicated, and the only one affecting humans. Fatality rates are estimated to have been around 30% throughout most of our history; in the last 100 years of its existence alone it killed roughly half a billion people, and the survivors often suffered from permanent scarring, disfigurement, and blindness.
Ironically, it’s much more difficult to make an infectious disease seem like an inhuman monster than it is to demonize an actual human being. Our social brains are wired to associate words like “evil” with creepy grins and mustache-twirling, not complex bundles of chemicals that barely even count as “alive.” But make no mistake: the true face of Evil doesn’t have a mustache to twirl, and it doesn’t have pointy fangs or glowing red eyes, either. It looks like this:
Continue readingFiled under Essays
Me: “Welp, I’ve been staring at my computer screen doing literally nothing all day and now it’s after 6. Guess I better call it. I’ll just text my spouse and let them know I’m leaving…and I should look at the function I was working on so I’ll remember where I left off…”
My brain, smashing through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man: “ALL RIIIIIGHT I’M READY, LET’S LOCK THE F*CK IN”
Filed under Microblogging