In Search of Secrets

I know, I know, it’s the sexiest title you’ve read all year, but please keep your undies on. We’re in public.

• 0 and 1 – Zero and one aren’t actually on my list of favorites, but I have to give them respect for essentially making all other numbers possible (and also out of professional obligation as a programmer).
• 2 – Two is such an underrated number. It seems so plain and innocuous, but it does so much! It’s the first prime number, the base (binary) that makes computers possible, and the smallest whole number that makes possible multiplication, exponentiation, logarithms, and rationals! It’s small but mighty; if it were a character in a fantasy novel, I think it would be a dwarf.
• 3 – Not a huge fan of three, but I really like multiples of three? I don’t know, man. I didn’t build this head, I just live in it.
• 9 – Nine! Oh man, I love nine. It sort of seems like it should be prime, but it’s a perfect square! Kind of goth–like, at first it looks like it might murder you in your sleep, but then you get to know it and realize it’s actually really sweet. (Four is a square number too, but four is suuuuper boring. A square of nine has that nice little dot in the center–so much more aesthetically pleasing.) Nine is probably my favorite number overall.
• 12 – Twelve has the charming, sophisticated air of someone with a lot of practice at being modest because they know they have a lot to be modest about. It has a lot of factors, so it makes an excellent base! You can divide it evenly by two, three, four, and six. Much more sensible than base-ten, which only has five and two as factors. It’s not just some math-nerd hypothetical, either: we actually use base twelve! Take a closer look at the next clock you see, or the next carton of eggs you buy.
• 13 – Thirteen is considered unlucky in some cultures, but I think it’s handsome. So close to the extra-factorizeable twelve, yet it’s prime! Very chic.
• 21 – Another one of those numbers that seems like it ought to be prime, but isn’t. I don’t care much for seven on its own, but when you combine it with three you get some interesting results.
• 27 – The first cube after the mediocre eight; nine extended into the third dimension. Seductive, strong, complex but understated. Kind of reminds me of my spouse. I think if twenty seven were a person it would probably be non-binary and pansexual, too.
• 60 – Sixty is that really fit, smart friend that everyone loves, and they’re sometimes a dick about it, but if you need their help they’ll show up without fail. It has even more factors than twelve! Sixty is probably the number base that super-intelligent space aliens would use. Just look at all the different ways you can slice this bad boy up: two, three, four, five, six, ten, twelve, fifteen, twenty, and thirty! Man, I’m getting hot just thinking about it. Oh, and in case you think this is another example of some obscure math nonsense that no one will ever use in real life? Take a second look at that clock…
• 64 – Eight may be mediocre, but it gets a major glow-up when you square it. Sixty four is a little hyperactive, but in kind of an endearing way, like a dog. It just has a big heart, you know? (Personally, I think all the powers of two seem a little hyper. Like they’re constantly bouncing up and down on their toes, barely containing their urge to show off just how extra even they are. “Look, look! You can divide me in half eight times!” Sixty four is big enough to know it could show off, but small enough to be modest and without the inferiority complex of poor thirty two.)
• 101 – Ahh, just look at it. So nice and symmetrical. And it’s prime! A lot like eleven, which almost made this list, but one-oh-one beats it out for mostly the same reason that nine is better than four and twenty seven is better than eight. There’s just something a little unsatisfying to me about a symmetry that pivots around an absence. I much prefer when there’s a thing in the middle.
• 111 – Cute but weird, like a pug. Has the same nice symmetry as one hundred and one, plus it’s a pleasant repeated digit, and it’s another number that really seems like it should be prime, but isn’t. But then for some reason its factors are three and thirty seven–blech! Somehow that ugly, bizarro combination comes out super cute?

There aren’t many numbers bigger than one-eleven that stand out to me in particular, so I guess that’s it. Oh, wait! I almost forgot:

• 69 – LOL