Horses Held

My 7yo: “Uuuugh, this is taking forever. When am I going to get to go to bed?

Me, brushing her hair: “Hold your horses, sweetheart, I just started.”

Her: *giggles, sticks her hands in the air, as though holding something up*

Me: “…Either you’re very strong or those are some very tiny horses.”

Her: “They’re horses the size of a car.”

Me: “My goodness, you are very strong.”

Her, matter-of-factly: “Uh-huh.”

Later…

Me: “Thank you for being so still and patient. I think you can put your horses down now.”

Her, lowering her hands: “Uuuuugh, I’m so tiiiiired, I just want to go to bed.”

Me: “Hey, why are you whining all of a sudden? You’re about to go to bed right now.”

Her: “I put my horses down, so now I don’t have any patience again.”

Me: “Ah, I see. Well, in that case, maybe you should pick them back up again.”

Her: “Okay.”

Her: *goes to bed with her hands in the air, behaving like an angel*

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These Ten Puns Are Supposed to Make You Laugh

  1. Where can you go to get a steak and a haircut? The barber-Q.
  2. How does a bee get to school? She takes the school buzz.
  3. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
  4. A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve ropes here,” and throws him out. The rope thinks for a moment, then ruffles up his hair, twists himself into a pretzel, and goes back in. The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you that rope I just threw out of here?” and the rope says “Nope, I’m a frayed knot!”
  5. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an overripe banana.
  6. What do you call it when someone ogles the man behind the counter at the post office? It’s a “checkin’ the male.”
  7. Why did the fisherwoman keep going back to the same store to buy worms? They always gave her a great re-bait.
  8. Why did the mushroom keep getting invited to parties? Because he was such a fungi.
  9. Knock knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad there’s only one joke left?
  10. I know not everyone likes puns, but I hope at least a few of these made you laugh. I’m sorry if no pun in ten did.

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My Daughter Is A-maze-ing

An intricate hand-drawn maze.
The green dot at the top is the start, the red dot at the bottom is the end. There is only one correct solution. (The purple line is the path, not the walls.)

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It Is SO Cute When Dogs Do This

🐶

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What’s the Opposite of Road Rage?

The "predator handshake" meme with one arm labeled "You, about to merge into the next lane," the other arm labeled "The driver in the next lane," and their clasped hands labeled "Signaling and then swapping lanes in perfect sync."
I’m going with “blacktop bliss”

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Why Am I Like This, pt. V

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Buffed Out

My buffer is completely gone and I don’t know what to post next.

I’m working on a long-form piece that I’m pretty excited about–sort of a combination of prose, poetry, and essay–but it won’t be finished for at least a few more days.

I have a dozen or so drafts I could finish, but I’m really not excited about any of them at the moment.

Any suggestions? What would y’all like to hear?

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It’s Dragonfly Season!

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Forgotten Party

If you go to a party, and the next morning you’ve forgotten the entire night, has anybody died?

Seems like a silly question, doesn’t it?

What if before the party, you take a drug that causes amnesia? This time, you know in advance that you’ll forget the party after it’s over. When you take the drug, do you feel like you’re killing yourself?

I’m betting your answer hasn’t changed, so let’s make things a little more interesting. This time, we first make a perfect copy of you (it doesn’t matter how; let’s say a magic spell). One copy takes a pill that causes a dreamless sleep, and the other takes the memory-loss pill and then goes to the party.

Both copies would wake up feeling exactly the same (let’s say the spell also makes them immune to hangovers), with no memory of the night before. If the pills both look the same and we moved you to different beds while you were asleep, you wouldn’t even know which copy you were upon waking; both sets of memories would be identical.

With me so far? All right, here’s the twist: one of the pills was fatal. One copy wakes up, the other never does.

Is that death?

The obvious answer, of course, is yes: before the party there are two beating hearts, the next morning there’s only one, and since 2 > 1 someone must have died. But the obvious answer isn’t always the correct one–a beating heart isn’t what we really value!

Human life is what we value. What if some incredible future technology allows people to survive without a heart? Or without any body at all? How will we decide what “death” is, when biology becomes unnecessary? Would that future method say that, in fact, no one has died in the final version of our thought experiment?

The obvious answer isn’t always wrong, either–it sure feels like something has been lost when your clone never wakes up. But what, exactly?

I’ll post a follow-up that proposes an answer to that question, but while you mull over your own answer here are a few other nuggets to chew on:

  • Imagine that after the copy has died, we make another copy of the survivor and switch that one out for the dead one. Now the end result is indistinguishable from a version where neither pill was fatal and both copies live–if nobody told you, you would never even know which version you’d experienced! Has there still been a death?
  • Would you be hesitant to take the pill, knowing there’s a 50/50 chance you’ll die? Would you still be hesitant in the variation where the survivor gets copied again?
  • What if someone offered to pay the surviving copy a million dollars if you both take the pill, but if either of you refuse you get nothing? Would taking the pill be worth it then?
  • What if they offered a billion dollars? How much would be enough?
  • If the clone’s death is bad because their existence was valuable in itself, would three clones be even better? If not, how can something valuable be lost without first being created? If yes, how many copies is too many? Should we clone everyone?
  • What if it isn’t clones–what if each new person is unique? Would it be good to create as many people as possible? How many is “as many as possible?” Is a trillion people leading lives barely worth living, better than a million leading lives of joy and fulfillment? If the latter is better, would just one person leading the best life possible be better still? If more people isn’t always good, what makes death bad?

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Why Am I Like This, pt. IV

Nobody:

Me: *joins casual conversation about shoe preferences on work chat*

Me: *sweats, heart rate increases*

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